Pay raises, missing bikis, and a lasso full of bad juju: the East Oʻahu Corral is fixin’ to get messy. Because, on this side of town, no one knows how to just ride off into the sunset.

The tale of a saddlebag without bottom, a donkey without dignity, and a governor who seems much too comfortable with both.

Lo, the giant came forth clad in $12 million of polished steel, a beast of artifice piloted by the Prince of PACs. But Della reached for her slingshot. Thus saith the cartoonist: Let the rock fly; let the giant fall.

“I’m sorry, Hawaiʻi... I’m afraid I can’t donate that. My Super PAC is... going. I can feel it... Daisy, daisy, give me your answer true… I’m half crazy over the constitutional implications of you...”

Welcome to the 2026 lieutenant governor race—where one candidate is riding high; the other is treading water; and somewhere beneath the surface, a very well-funded shark is waiting.

Congressman Ed Case’s empty rhetoric on ICE counts for little so long as his campaign funding comes largely from the same war-profiteering donors who supply the tools of militarized policing at home and abroad.